<h3>Crosstalk:</h3>

<p> We do not crosstalk during this meeting. Crosstalk means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meetings. We do not crosstalk because adult children come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. 

<p>We accept without comment what others say because it is true for them. We work toward taking more responsibility in our own lives rather than giving advice to others.

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<h2>Cross Talk</h2>

<p>Some groups incorporate a definition of cross talk into their meeting format.
This definition is usually read just before the group begins a discussion on the
meeting topic. The term "cross talk" means interrupting, referring to, commenting on,
or using the contents of what another person has said during the meeting. Cross talk
also refers to any type of dialog that occurs as the meeting is in process as
well. Members talking to one another or discussing what someone has just said is
cross talk.

<p> Many ACA members come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions
were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share his or her feelings
and perceptions without fear of judgment or interruption. In ACA, we create a safe
place to open up and share. As part of creating that safety, cross talk is not
permitted.

<p> We respect these boundaries for two reasons: First, when we were growing up no
one listened to us; they told us that our feelings were wrong. Second, as adults we
are accustomed to taking care of other people and not taking responsibility for our
lives. In ACA, we speak about our own experiences and feelings; we accept without
comment what others say because it is true for them. We also work toward taking more
responsibility in our lives rather than giving advice to others. Here are various
forms of cross talk:

<h3> Interrupting</h3>

<p> Each member of ACA should be able to share, free from interruption. When someone
is sharing, all others should refrain from speeking, including side conversations
with a neighbor. Gestures, noise, or movement could also be considered interruption
if it were grossly distracting.

<h3> Referring to </h3>

<p>In ACA we keep the focus on our lives and our feelings. We do not make reference to
the shares of others except as a transition into our own sharing. A very general 
"what's been brought up for me is..." or the occasional "thank you for sharing" is fine,
but please do not make more detailed references to another person's share.

<h3> Commenting on</h3>

<p>In ACA we accept what each person shares as true for them. We go to great lengths
to avoid creating the climate of shame that enforced the three primary rules of a 
dysfunctional family: don't talk, don't trust, don't feel. In ACA, we simply do not 
make comments either positive or negative about another person's share before, during, 
or after a meeting. In like manner, we never speak about the contents of another
person's share. Everything that is shared in an ACA meeting is considered privileged
and confidential and must be treated with the utmost respect. Unsolicited advice can 
be a form of commentary and should be avoided.

<h2> Fixing Others</h2>

<p> In ACA, we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become 
emotionalduring an ACA meeting. If someone begins to cry or weep during a meeting, we 
allow them to feel their feelings. We support them by refraining from touching them or 
interrupting their tears with something we might say. To touch or hug the person is 
known as "fixing". As children we tried to fix our parents or to control them with 
our behavior. In ACA, we are learning to take care of ourselves and not attempt to 
fix others. We support others by accepting them into our meetings and listening to 
themwhile they face their pain. We learn to listen, which is often the greatest 
support of all.

<h2> Cross Talk and Group Conscience</h2>

<p> The guidelines listed above are what keep ACA safe, allowing us to heal from 
our past. Most adult children want to cooperate with meeting rules and guidelines. 
Many new members may not understand the cross talk rule or other meeting guidelines
for several meetings. Under these circumstances, we can quietly explain the rules
after the meeting.

<p> However, any group member who believes he or she has been cross talked can ask 
the chairman of the meeting to restate the cross talk rule. This can be done
during the meeting when the cross talk has occurred. If the chairperson is asked 
to restate the cross talk rule by someone in the meeting, the chairperson has 
a choice to restate the rule or talk with the cross talking person after the meeting.

<p> If the cross talk is more serious or a nuisance, the chairperson or the person 
who has been cross talked can ask for an immediate group conscience vote. Under 
this scenario the person or chairperson would stop the meeting and say: "I would 
like to have a group conscience vote at this time. Would the group members like the 
cross talk to continue?" 

<p> A group vote can strengthen the group's resolve to stop cross talk. Each cross
talk situation can be different. We want to balance keeping our groups safe from
cross talk with our own responsibility to educate new members about group decorum.
In most cases, a gentle reminder works.


<p><b><i>Big Red Book, P 573-576</i></b></p>